DEALING WITH FEAR
· WHEN AND WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST ENCOUNTER WITH FEAR?
FEAR STARTS LITTLE, AS LITTLE AS A SEED AND THEN IT GROWS TO BECOME A BIG TREE YOU HAVE TO FIGHT OR END UP LIVING WITH IT.
My first fear encounter was during my days in the university. I could remember it started with a course named Logic. The course seemed hard, too difficult for my mind to grasp. So at the end of this course I would go to my hostel and cry. Crying became part of me because I was scared. I couldn’t understand a thing not until one day, I decided to stop crying and do something about my fear.
I actually thought that was my first fear encounter but then it wasn’t. maybe it was the fear of my dad. The fear from been trained by a perfectionist. I come from the kind of family that values education, so failure was not an option for any one of us. The kind of family that when you take second position, you start preparing your lies from afar. You dare not come home. So all my life, the race for me was to always be the best in whatever I do. Parents in my neighborhood were proud of us. They wanted their children to be at the top of the class just like us. But they didn’t know somehow we wanted the kind of life their children had. Where they were not under pressure of being a perfectionist. You know some days you try so hard to get to the top of your class but then you still come second or third. Hahahaha.
That was the beginning of my fears. Instilled from home and ever since that fear has followed me everywhere I go. I didn’t want to know failure ever again in my life. So how did that impact my life. When I failed at a thing, I go through several days of depression, I blame myself for not been good enough. I beat up myself so badly until I had no good thing left to say of myself. I never saw my hard work as hard work. No matter how hard I tried. I didn’t know what it meant to love myself, to appreciate myself. And this fear of failure affected every other area of my life. For example, I don’t take on roles, if I have the slightest feeling I was going to fail at it. I never took on task I knew I would fail. I abandoned them for fear of failure. Funny enough, I started abandoning those areas of my life and work I was good at and a pro at because I felt I was going to fail. So I ended up scoring myself before the results were out.
Could this be you? Or you have a friend like this?
You own fear story could be different from mine. But this is a healing process . It is a journey. So will love you to share your story with me.
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