LOVING SELF SERIES: CHILDHOOD EMOTIONAL NEGLECT
“I realized it wasn’t anything that happened to them but it was what has failed to happen for them.” ~ Janice Webb
For information sake, the lady above was the one who coined the term “childhood emotional neglect.”
Do you understand the quote above?
Reread if necessary as we proceed upon completion.
Have you ever felt invisible?
Have you ever felt invisible?
Even in the midst of a lot of persons especially those you are familiar with ( friends gathering, family meeting etc).
Such that even that special person could be staring directly at your eye, speaking words that ordinarily are comforting,
Yet you know that they could not SEE you,
And that is desperately what you wanted – to be SEEN.
James was glad to see her again, at least face to face.
They were meant to meet at a fancy restaurant that evening.
At 8:30pm, she stepped out to meet him in a charming red dress, a lovely rose flower to part her flowing hair.
And yes, she wore a silver colored high heel shoes & a red purse to match.
I was excited when she informed me about this as she rarely allow herself to get into any relationship.
Did I mention that she was well established and was working at one of the top banks in Port Harcourt.
Tolani never suggested anything during this high-tensed emotional meeting as she went with whatever James selected.
That should be a 100% wife material abi?
As a close confidante, she told me that she knew something was not just right about how she responded all through.
She has always known but could not identify what exactly it is.
It was then we decided to visit her childhood memories.
My friend Tolani was from a home where her needs were met promptly.
She went to the best schools and had ALL the materials and resources she would ever need.
Food and clothing were not an issue in their home.
She also did not miss any of the trips they demanded in her school which was required for the course she was studying.
Bose had no such privilege as her family were poor and barely had enough to eat.
For Bose, her mother died when she was five, leaving her with Mr Jide (her drunken father). He was always drinking,
Whilst she was working & schooling at the same time to take care of the whole family of four (her two younger brothers inclusive).
Yet this two friends attended the same school and were in the same class.
If I should ask you right now,
Which do you think suffered from childhood emotional neglect,
What would your response be? Take a guess.
I believe you went for Bose right,
As she was not taken care of unlike Tolani.
Or are you quickly changing your answer to Tolani?
But you are not sure if she could have suffered from those.
The truth is that both are actually suffering from it.
I know that the general perception (including mine) was that it is persons from dysfunctional homes that suffers from the above.
But this cuts across all segments.
Rich or poor. Living in High brow areas or areas with less basic amenities. Brown, fair skinned of dark. Private school or public school.
What then is Childhood emotional neglect?
Janice Webb describes it as a parent failure to respond enough to a child’s emotional needs.
This means that daddy or mummy might have been there for you physically, and you could be affected because,
Emotional connection was LACKING.
The truth is that you won’t notice its effect,
Yet it would control and shape your choices and responses during adulthood.
Instances of these are:
☹ Your lovely parent were always busy.
😏 Your wonderful parent told you to be a MAN or hold yourself together all the time.
😔 They were only pleased when you do what THEY want
😩 They were more interested in your actions.
To blame your parent right now would not help you,
Because it is not about them right now but YOU.
Your healing. Your growth. And fully loving yourself.
Let me end with this quote by John Lennon,
“One thing you can’t hide- is when you are crippled on the inside.”
It is that time to be shameless in order to be free.
Feel free to send your questions and comments below. We grow together
Article written by Emmanuel Aginam
Follow us on Instagram @jedidiah_wealth